A friend of mine found this poem after she lost a baby herself some time ago now. I was also given a copy of the poem after we lost our first baby in December 2007. Every now and again I look back on the poem, given 28th December marks 2 years since our precious little angel left us I thought I'd share....
You can't win with me...
If you say to me " How are you going?" with such sympathy and meaning in your voice.
I reply "I'm fine" and brush you off,
because to talk about my loss with you today is just too painful.
If you see me and don't mention the loss that is consuming my thoughts,
I think you don't care enough, or are too scared to mention it
for fear that you might upset me.
You can't win with me.
If you say "I'm sorry your baby died," it is hard for me to reply to that.
What do you expect me to say?
I want to say "I'm sorry too!" or "It's awful"
I want to scream "its not fair"
But I won't because I don't want to upset myself today, not in front of you.
So I reply "Thank-you".
That thanks means so much more than that.
It means thanks for caring,
thanks for trying to help,
thanks for realising that I'm still in pain.
If you don't know what to say to me that's okay
because I don't know what to say to you either.
If you see me smile or laugh
don't assume I must have forgotten my baby for the moment,
I haven't, I can't, I never will.
Tell me that I look good today.
I will know what you mean,
I'm getting good at picking up unspoken cues from you.
If you see me and think I look upset or sad, you are probably right.
Today might be an anniversary day for me,
or some event might have triggered a wave of grief in me.
If you don't say anything I'll think you don't care about me,
but if you do say something, it might make me feel worse.
You could try asking if I want to talk, but don't be surprised if I say no.
You can't win with me.
Don't give up on me, please don't give up.
I need your attempts however feeble,
however trite you might feel they are, I need your thoughts.
I need your prayers.
I need your love.
I need your persistence.
I need all that but most of all I need to be treated normally,
like it used to be before all this happened.
But I know its impossible.
That carefree, naive person is gone forever,
and I am mourning that loss too.
So you can't win with me.
Written by Jane Warland 1996
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Not so great at this....
It appears I'm not so great at this blogging business, in all truthfulness - I'm useless.
In the month since my last post there hasn't been a terrible lot happening other than me resigning, accepting a new job, I made another cake (Thomas the Tank Engine this time), attended a friend's wedding, celebrated my second cousins first birthday, booked our houseboat holiday for January and hosted a pre-Christmas celebration in our new home. Okay, so maybe there has been a bit going on. Either way, I'm terrible at keeping things up to date here.
To touch on a few of those "things"....
After just on 7 years in my current job I've resigned and accepted a position as "Fundraising Officer" for a well known children's charity. All these years of charity golf days has finally paid off and I'm really looking forward to moving into a role where I can further my fundraising skills and take on a new challenge.
On another note, I absolutely can. not. wait. to go on our houseboat holiday on 22nd January! We've booked a vessel on the Coomera River for our 2010 Australia Day celebrations. We're headed off with Joel & Tanya, Rachelle & Ben and Nick & Andrina for lots of drinks, sun and laughter. I just hope it's much cooler this time!
I've been struggling with the infertility side of things quite a bit lately, there appears to be a massive influx of friends with exciting pregnancy news (10 at last count) one of whom is due on the exact date our 2nd angel baby would have been due. I'm struggling with the array of emotions more than anything else. I get sad and angry but happy and guilty all at the same time. Don't get me wrong I am extremely happy for all of them and I certainly wouldn't wish what we've been through on even my worst enemy but it's hard sometimes. It's really, really hard. I hear the news and I'm happy for them but sad for myself. I go from being sad to being angry; angry that I can't carry a child and angry that I can give Darryl the one thing he'd love so dearly right now. And then I feel guilty. How on earth can I feel sad and angry when someone has such fantastic news? Like I said, it's a struggle. Sometimes I cope and sometimes I don't. I guess those closest to us and who know our situation will understand - I hope.
In the month since my last post there hasn't been a terrible lot happening other than me resigning, accepting a new job, I made another cake (Thomas the Tank Engine this time), attended a friend's wedding, celebrated my second cousins first birthday, booked our houseboat holiday for January and hosted a pre-Christmas celebration in our new home. Okay, so maybe there has been a bit going on. Either way, I'm terrible at keeping things up to date here.
To touch on a few of those "things"....
After just on 7 years in my current job I've resigned and accepted a position as "Fundraising Officer" for a well known children's charity. All these years of charity golf days has finally paid off and I'm really looking forward to moving into a role where I can further my fundraising skills and take on a new challenge.
On another note, I absolutely can. not. wait. to go on our houseboat holiday on 22nd January! We've booked a vessel on the Coomera River for our 2010 Australia Day celebrations. We're headed off with Joel & Tanya, Rachelle & Ben and Nick & Andrina for lots of drinks, sun and laughter. I just hope it's much cooler this time!
I've been struggling with the infertility side of things quite a bit lately, there appears to be a massive influx of friends with exciting pregnancy news (10 at last count) one of whom is due on the exact date our 2nd angel baby would have been due. I'm struggling with the array of emotions more than anything else. I get sad and angry but happy and guilty all at the same time. Don't get me wrong I am extremely happy for all of them and I certainly wouldn't wish what we've been through on even my worst enemy but it's hard sometimes. It's really, really hard. I hear the news and I'm happy for them but sad for myself. I go from being sad to being angry; angry that I can't carry a child and angry that I can give Darryl the one thing he'd love so dearly right now. And then I feel guilty. How on earth can I feel sad and angry when someone has such fantastic news? Like I said, it's a struggle. Sometimes I cope and sometimes I don't. I guess those closest to us and who know our situation will understand - I hope.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Raw potatoes and power outages
I guess I should start by saying I've been feeling like absolute rubbish for about 6 weeks now. I've had an on again off again appetite and headache after headache. I've been to the doctor and she's run some blood tests etc but more as a precausion. She seems to think the tiredness and headaches is muscular due to the issues with my neck.
Anyway... for a while now, I have felt like baked jacket potatoes. Given an appetite or even cravings hasn't been common I thought I'd run with it. I fancied the potatoes quartered but not the whole way through, just so they sit open almost like a cup. I'm sure there's a technical word for that but it escapes me at the moment. Over the top I wanted a homemade garlic, tomato and onion sauce mixed through some mince with a bit of bacon, fresh roma tomatoes, spanish onion and a small dollop of sour cream. So tonight I decide to give it a go although I did cheat and grabbed a Dolmio sauce on the way home from work because I couldn't be bothered making the sauce.
I decide, in my wisdom, it'd be quicker to cook the potatoes in the microwave assuring Darryl it's "how Rachelle does them at work" and "it's much quicker" only to have our microwave pack it in when Darryl's spud was 7/8ths cooked. So out came the saucepan and the boiling water to finish cooking it. I organised his dinner, he sat and ate it and I started cooking my potato (yes, I should have thrown mine in the boiling water at the same time but I was more focused on my 3 month old microwave shitting itself) anyway by the time my potato was at a point where I thought it should have been cooked the storm hit, the power went out and I couldn't see a damn thing. I proceeded to give up. I ate the potato. As it turns out it wasn't ready so I ate it half cooked, I cracked it and washed the dishes in the dark and proceeded to send mum a text to whine about my afternoon turning bad only to have my 6 month old iPhone shit itself too.
The power is back on now, my phone is working (charging the battery often helps) and had I waited all of 15 minutes I could probably have cooked my potato thoroughly. Instead I'll go to bed and read all of my course guides for this degree I'm contemplating for 2010.
At least I have a spotless kitchen.
Anyway... for a while now, I have felt like baked jacket potatoes. Given an appetite or even cravings hasn't been common I thought I'd run with it. I fancied the potatoes quartered but not the whole way through, just so they sit open almost like a cup. I'm sure there's a technical word for that but it escapes me at the moment. Over the top I wanted a homemade garlic, tomato and onion sauce mixed through some mince with a bit of bacon, fresh roma tomatoes, spanish onion and a small dollop of sour cream. So tonight I decide to give it a go although I did cheat and grabbed a Dolmio sauce on the way home from work because I couldn't be bothered making the sauce.
I decide, in my wisdom, it'd be quicker to cook the potatoes in the microwave assuring Darryl it's "how Rachelle does them at work" and "it's much quicker" only to have our microwave pack it in when Darryl's spud was 7/8ths cooked. So out came the saucepan and the boiling water to finish cooking it. I organised his dinner, he sat and ate it and I started cooking my potato (yes, I should have thrown mine in the boiling water at the same time but I was more focused on my 3 month old microwave shitting itself) anyway by the time my potato was at a point where I thought it should have been cooked the storm hit, the power went out and I couldn't see a damn thing. I proceeded to give up. I ate the potato. As it turns out it wasn't ready so I ate it half cooked, I cracked it and washed the dishes in the dark and proceeded to send mum a text to whine about my afternoon turning bad only to have my 6 month old iPhone shit itself too.
The power is back on now, my phone is working (charging the battery often helps) and had I waited all of 15 minutes I could probably have cooked my potato thoroughly. Instead I'll go to bed and read all of my course guides for this degree I'm contemplating for 2010.
At least I have a spotless kitchen.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Golf Day
Yes....I've done it again this year. For those of you unaware, I organise a charity golf day each year for a child with an illness or disability. Last year I said I wasn't going to do it again. It's such a huge effort, loads of stress and usually something I organise by myself - stupid? maybe! Although it is extremely rewarding (once it's over) knowing you have changed the life of a little person who needed assistance.
Anyway, I digress. I've done it again this year. The 2009 Inflight Logistic Services Charity Golf Day is being held at Nudgee Golf Club on Thursday 12th November 2009 with 96+ golfers and 120+ dinner guests for the presentation dinner and auction afterwards.
Although it has been a long time coming and a ridiculous amount of effort trying to track down an auctioneer, and then finding another one at short notice when the original cant make it etc, it has also crept up a little bit. The last few weeks have been spent thinking "I've still got a few weeks" and then walking into work this morning it dawned on me that I now only have a few days. Thankfully Hannah & Rachelle have been a big help getting all the donated stock etc organised and suggesting ideas when I've been ready to rip my hair out.
So.... bring on Thursday so it's all over with for another year. I can then finalise the accounts, arrange the independent audit, send the funds on to Variety for them to purchase all of Jaden's equipment he needs.
Then once this big project is over with and the added stress is gone I can focus on Christmas.... did I mention I'm not doing this again?
Anyway, I digress. I've done it again this year. The 2009 Inflight Logistic Services Charity Golf Day is being held at Nudgee Golf Club on Thursday 12th November 2009 with 96+ golfers and 120+ dinner guests for the presentation dinner and auction afterwards.
Although it has been a long time coming and a ridiculous amount of effort trying to track down an auctioneer, and then finding another one at short notice when the original cant make it etc, it has also crept up a little bit. The last few weeks have been spent thinking "I've still got a few weeks" and then walking into work this morning it dawned on me that I now only have a few days. Thankfully Hannah & Rachelle have been a big help getting all the donated stock etc organised and suggesting ideas when I've been ready to rip my hair out.
So.... bring on Thursday so it's all over with for another year. I can then finalise the accounts, arrange the independent audit, send the funds on to Variety for them to purchase all of Jaden's equipment he needs.
Then once this big project is over with and the added stress is gone I can focus on Christmas.... did I mention I'm not doing this again?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Procrastination at its best...
So I'm sitting here supposed to be writing letters and all sorts of other "documents" that I decided I'd come home and finish. I have a massive case of writers block, so what do I sit here and do? Sift through years of old files, my old journal, my old blog etc and waste a good hour, nice.
Anyway, in amongst my old bits and pieces I found a poem I wrote a long time ago. It's from way back when we first started our assisted conception journey. Even though my outlook has changed slightly along the way and our situation has if anything, become worse, I still think the poem is extremely relevant to our circumstance and thought I'd share it again.
It's hard at times throughout this journey;
When faith and hope begin to sway.
It's hard when every road climbs further uphill,
And you're not sure you can face another day.
It's hard to get up and wear a smile,
When you need to scream and cry.
It's hard to explain just how you feel,
When your emotions inside are wry.
It's hard to get up & dust yourself off,
When it risks taking another fall.
It's hard to take the advice, "just relax" or "get away",
When these people don't really understand at all.
It's hard to watch some of your so called friends,
Slip away in front of your eyes,
It's hard to fathom they ever cared,
Although best to know than believe the lies.
It's hard to keep your emotions,C
ooped up inside your head.
It's hard to not let it show you've had no sleep,
But spent the night staring at the roof instead.
It's hard to rely so much,
On the family & friends that have stayed near.
It's hard to know it's affecting them as well,
With every update and result they hear.
It's hard to forget that life is going to be different,
To that vision you had as a ten year old.
But most of all it's hard to come to terms with it all,
This is what it's going to take to get a little bundle to love and hold.
Anyway, in amongst my old bits and pieces I found a poem I wrote a long time ago. It's from way back when we first started our assisted conception journey. Even though my outlook has changed slightly along the way and our situation has if anything, become worse, I still think the poem is extremely relevant to our circumstance and thought I'd share it again.
It's hard at times throughout this journey;
When faith and hope begin to sway.
It's hard when every road climbs further uphill,
And you're not sure you can face another day.
It's hard to get up and wear a smile,
When you need to scream and cry.
It's hard to explain just how you feel,
When your emotions inside are wry.
It's hard to get up & dust yourself off,
When it risks taking another fall.
It's hard to take the advice, "just relax" or "get away",
When these people don't really understand at all.
It's hard to watch some of your so called friends,
Slip away in front of your eyes,
It's hard to fathom they ever cared,
Although best to know than believe the lies.
It's hard to keep your emotions,C
ooped up inside your head.
It's hard to not let it show you've had no sleep,
But spent the night staring at the roof instead.
It's hard to rely so much,
On the family & friends that have stayed near.
It's hard to know it's affecting them as well,
With every update and result they hear.
It's hard to forget that life is going to be different,
To that vision you had as a ten year old.
But most of all it's hard to come to terms with it all,
This is what it's going to take to get a little bundle to love and hold.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day
Today, October 15, is International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. Unfortunately it's a day that's close to my heart having lost two precious little miracles in the last few years. Pregnancy Loss is an awful experience that never, ever gets easier. I'm sending all of my thoughts, hugs and thanks to all of the truly inspirational women who have touched my life in ways they'll never know. Without the support of many of these women who have "been there" I wouldn't have gotten through the last four years. Please spare a thought today for all of the women who are hurting with empty arms. xo
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Last time I posted in here I was in a shocking frame of mind. It was father's day and I was so sick of feeling guilty and horrible because we can't have a child. Thankfully I've got back up, dusted myself off and I'm out there facing the world with a smile on my face again. Some days I mean it, other days the smile is just there for the benefit of everyone else. It's easier to smile and tell people you're fine than it is to speak the truth, they don't understand anyway and their pretending is often patronising.
ANYWAY.... I have loads to keep me busy over the coming months. The landscaper has almost finished the bigger jobs in the yard which means we've got turf, plants, pavers, water features and rocks to organise and lay/install. I'd originally set us with a goal to have it all finished by Saturday 12th December because I wanted to have pre-christmas drinks here with our friends. I've instead decided we will have a small New Year's Eve party which will give us another 4 weeks or so to get it all finished.
Not a lot has been happening, we've fallen back into the work, running around, housework, dinner, dishes then bed routine. It's not much fun but at the moment that's how it is. Hopefully once there's a lot less running around and we get settled in the new place we can spend more time relaxing and enjoying everything the spaces we've created here. In the mean time I'm going to write my Christmas shopping list and create even more running around!
ANYWAY.... I have loads to keep me busy over the coming months. The landscaper has almost finished the bigger jobs in the yard which means we've got turf, plants, pavers, water features and rocks to organise and lay/install. I'd originally set us with a goal to have it all finished by Saturday 12th December because I wanted to have pre-christmas drinks here with our friends. I've instead decided we will have a small New Year's Eve party which will give us another 4 weeks or so to get it all finished.
Not a lot has been happening, we've fallen back into the work, running around, housework, dinner, dishes then bed routine. It's not much fun but at the moment that's how it is. Hopefully once there's a lot less running around and we get settled in the new place we can spend more time relaxing and enjoying everything the spaces we've created here. In the mean time I'm going to write my Christmas shopping list and create even more running around!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Father's Day
So here it is, upon us for another year. It's Father's Day and frankly, I think it sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad and father-in-law and we've wished them both a happy father's day and all that but I still think occasions like this are awful to have to live through given the last few years we've had.
Back on 22nd November 2007 we found out that our second full IVF/ICSI cycle had worked and that we were expecting our very own bundle of joy sometime around 30th July 2009. We shared our news with family and friends on Christmas day and a mere 3 days later on 28th December 2007, our world came crashing down as I miscarried. After a bit of time to grieve we were both fairly keen to keep trying so we went back and had more FETs and on 14th April 2008 we found out that we were again expecting a precious little miracle. This time our happiness was even more short lived when I miscarried our bub on 27th April 2008.
Since then we've had quite a few more transfers as well as another full IVF/ICSI cycle and so far, no success. I've had good days and bad days along the way but today really takes the cake. I can't help but feel somewhat guilty. My hubby is now 30. An age that, had you asked him a few years ago, he would have said he wanted kids by now. This year is now his 4th father's day where he's not had a child of his own to call him Daddy. The one thing he would dearly love and I can't give that to him. I sit here at the moment in tears feeling guilty, sad and angry.
A message I sent to a friend when we lost our first baby sums up how I'm feeling:
I thought the emotions and pain of dealing with IVF and infertility were bad enough but to go through all that and have a glimmer of hope for 9 weeks only to have it snatched away is just so so unfair. Our little baby is gone, our dreams shattered and the best 9 weeks of my life are over.
Needless to say, I still think today sucks.
Back on 22nd November 2007 we found out that our second full IVF/ICSI cycle had worked and that we were expecting our very own bundle of joy sometime around 30th July 2009. We shared our news with family and friends on Christmas day and a mere 3 days later on 28th December 2007, our world came crashing down as I miscarried. After a bit of time to grieve we were both fairly keen to keep trying so we went back and had more FETs and on 14th April 2008 we found out that we were again expecting a precious little miracle. This time our happiness was even more short lived when I miscarried our bub on 27th April 2008.
Since then we've had quite a few more transfers as well as another full IVF/ICSI cycle and so far, no success. I've had good days and bad days along the way but today really takes the cake. I can't help but feel somewhat guilty. My hubby is now 30. An age that, had you asked him a few years ago, he would have said he wanted kids by now. This year is now his 4th father's day where he's not had a child of his own to call him Daddy. The one thing he would dearly love and I can't give that to him. I sit here at the moment in tears feeling guilty, sad and angry.
A message I sent to a friend when we lost our first baby sums up how I'm feeling:
I thought the emotions and pain of dealing with IVF and infertility were bad enough but to go through all that and have a glimmer of hope for 9 weeks only to have it snatched away is just so so unfair. Our little baby is gone, our dreams shattered and the best 9 weeks of my life are over.
Needless to say, I still think today sucks.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Dirt & Motivation
This week has been horrible to put it mildly. Although it has made me realise just how fantastic some of my co-workers are. Thankfully it's now Friday afternoon and I've got two days to forget everything that's happened and I'll start fresh on Monday morning.
The landscaping has been happening at home while we've been at work this week. So far they've removed 44 cubic metres of dirt from our yard. It's amazing how quickly it adds up and the difference it makes. I'm absolutely thrilled with the new house and even more so the alfresco area, especially now I can see the outdoor spaces all taking shape.
I'm loving the motivation that being in the new place has given me. We've made the decision not to go back to the IVF for a year or two until we've enjoyed our new home a little and I've been able to shift some of the weight I've put on over the last few years of treatment. I think this decision has taken a lot of the pressure off and made me feel even more settled. I'm fairly sure writing my 30 before 30 list may have added to that motivation too. I've started growing my hair (AND my hairdresser has promised not to cut it all off no matter how much I argue with her), I'm back to the Lite 'n' Easy breakfasts and lunches so I'm getting the right about of fruit and vegies each day and so I don't have to worry about making lunches at night. Aside from all that, the biggest piece of motivation was my decision to start the Cool Running "Couch-to-5k" running plan. Hopefully I'll have a friend start with me so we can motivate each other *hint hint*.
Anyway.....I'm off to act on my latest motivation, a glass of wine. The running plan will have to wait until next week, hopefully by then I will have worked out how to focus the motivation in the right direction :)
The landscaping has been happening at home while we've been at work this week. So far they've removed 44 cubic metres of dirt from our yard. It's amazing how quickly it adds up and the difference it makes. I'm absolutely thrilled with the new house and even more so the alfresco area, especially now I can see the outdoor spaces all taking shape.
I'm loving the motivation that being in the new place has given me. We've made the decision not to go back to the IVF for a year or two until we've enjoyed our new home a little and I've been able to shift some of the weight I've put on over the last few years of treatment. I think this decision has taken a lot of the pressure off and made me feel even more settled. I'm fairly sure writing my 30 before 30 list may have added to that motivation too. I've started growing my hair (AND my hairdresser has promised not to cut it all off no matter how much I argue with her), I'm back to the Lite 'n' Easy breakfasts and lunches so I'm getting the right about of fruit and vegies each day and so I don't have to worry about making lunches at night. Aside from all that, the biggest piece of motivation was my decision to start the Cool Running "Couch-to-5k" running plan. Hopefully I'll have a friend start with me so we can motivate each other *hint hint*.
Anyway.....I'm off to act on my latest motivation, a glass of wine. The running plan will have to wait until next week, hopefully by then I will have worked out how to focus the motivation in the right direction :)
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
September
So it's September...Spring has sprung and all that. More importantly our life has FINALLY settled down. At this stage the coming weekend involves absolutely nothing! Looking back through the calendar our last weekend that we didn't have some sort of plans was back at the beginning of March. We've had 25 weekends straight where there has always been something. Don't get me wrong, I love catching up with friends, birthday parties etc but I also love spending time doing a whole lot of nothing and now that this house is built I'm really looking forward to catching up on a whole lot of that nothingness before we have to get stuck into the yard.
Speaking of the yard...The landscapers started last Friday and I'm so pleased we decided to go with Tony (Tony from Landscapes by A &K did the landscaping in our last home). It's looking great so far! We've got a concrete slab at both the front and back doors ready for the timber decking to go in once the retaining wall is built. They're hoping it's only going to take them a couple of weeks to build the retaining wall although I think they're underestimating the sheer size of the bloody thing, especially seeing as I'm the professional and all (pffft) but I did measure that space this afternoon, the wall is something close to 36 metres long and is two separate tiers of 400x400 sandstone blocks with garden beds in between. Hence why I'm glad we went with the landscaper.
Once Tony has worked his magic and done all the "hard scape" stuff we'll have quite a few weekends of planting and turfing and topsoiling (is that even a word?) but I'm somewhat looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to making my own little stamp on this place, to make the finishing touches. That being said I'm also looking forward to sitting back in a deck chair, wine in hand looking at all the hard work that someone else has put in. Did I happen to mention I'm glad we got the landscapers?
Anyway, there's not really a lot else to write about. I'm back at work this week and we're back into the usual routine of work, washing/cooking/cleaning, shower, dinner, bed. Such an exciting life we lead through the week!
The only other thing I did want to mention is that I'm planning another charity golf event for this year and I'd LOVE all of the support I can get. This year will mark #5 for me and so far each year has been bigger than the last so I'd like to keep that trend happening. The date is Thursday 12th November @ Nudgee Golf Club kicking off at 11:00am. You'll need to email me at work etaylor@inlog.com.au or give me a call for registration information. There is also a dinner afterwards again this year so if you're not a golfer and more a hacker like me (if you can even call it hacking) feel free to come along just for dinner! Oh and please spread the word!
Speaking of the yard...The landscapers started last Friday and I'm so pleased we decided to go with Tony (Tony from Landscapes by A &K did the landscaping in our last home). It's looking great so far! We've got a concrete slab at both the front and back doors ready for the timber decking to go in once the retaining wall is built. They're hoping it's only going to take them a couple of weeks to build the retaining wall although I think they're underestimating the sheer size of the bloody thing, especially seeing as I'm the professional and all (pffft) but I did measure that space this afternoon, the wall is something close to 36 metres long and is two separate tiers of 400x400 sandstone blocks with garden beds in between. Hence why I'm glad we went with the landscaper.
Once Tony has worked his magic and done all the "hard scape" stuff we'll have quite a few weekends of planting and turfing and topsoiling (is that even a word?) but I'm somewhat looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to making my own little stamp on this place, to make the finishing touches. That being said I'm also looking forward to sitting back in a deck chair, wine in hand looking at all the hard work that someone else has put in. Did I happen to mention I'm glad we got the landscapers?
Anyway, there's not really a lot else to write about. I'm back at work this week and we're back into the usual routine of work, washing/cooking/cleaning, shower, dinner, bed. Such an exciting life we lead through the week!
The only other thing I did want to mention is that I'm planning another charity golf event for this year and I'd LOVE all of the support I can get. This year will mark #5 for me and so far each year has been bigger than the last so I'd like to keep that trend happening. The date is Thursday 12th November @ Nudgee Golf Club kicking off at 11:00am. You'll need to email me at work etaylor@inlog.com.au or give me a call for registration information. There is also a dinner afterwards again this year so if you're not a golfer and more a hacker like me (if you can even call it hacking) feel free to come along just for dinner! Oh and please spread the word!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Thirty before 30!
I stole this idea from a friend's blog, I've also had a look on google and it appears to be quite a popular idea. Not that that's important really. Anyway...here is my list of thirty things I'd like to achieve before I turn the big 3 0 (in no particular order):
- Volunteer with a local charity for a day
- Go snow skiing again and learn to snowboard (preferably without coming home in plaster this time)
- Get a tattoo
- Go back to the Barossa, McLarenVale and the Adelaide Hills
- Put the outdoor spa in at home
- Spend a weekend shopping in Melbourne with Mum
- Take Darryl to snorkel the Great Barrier Reef (don't even know if he would enjoy it but it's something that everyone has to do at least once!)
- Get back to my pre-IVF weight
- Host a black tie dinner party at home
- Get more professional photos taken together
- Create a photo journal for an entire month
- See a sunrise over the ocean - champagne breakfast style
- Go white water rafting in North Queensland
- Get back to my old fitness level and run 5km daily with Darryl
- See a live musical or the ballet
- Have a whole month off work
- Grow my hair long again
- Take a road trip with no set destination
- Buy a Saeco coffee machine for home
- Take some cake decorating classes
- Go vegetarian for at least a week
- Go to New Zealand, see Fox Glacier and catch up with old friends
- Start planning our trip to Ireland
- Surround ourselves with only people who enrich our lives
- Buy a new car
- Read a book from front to back in one sitting
- Print all of our digital photos and put them into albums
- Start my own vegie/herb garden and don't kill it
- Fall pregnant and carry a happy and healthy baby to full term.
- If we're lucky enough to complete our own family, do another IVF cycle to donate eggs to another couple struggling with infertility.
There is also one more which apparently "needs" to be mentioned and that's to conquer my fear of geckos. Yes, those tiny little lizzard things that somehow creep into your house and sit there and stare at you. There's a few people who think it would be rather amusing so I'll list it here. Just to humour them. I think they'll forever creep me out but you never know!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Two cars and a double garage...
Nine years ago (or thereabouts) I met my now husband. Since then I've learnt to accept that double garages were never meant to house two cars. Hell, in some instances they're not even meant to house one! All jokes aside, I love my husband to bits but he has a tendency to accumulate useless possessions (from here on in referred to as crap....there I said it, he collects crap). The last five years of living together have been fantastic but interesting. I don't think there's been a single time we've been able to fit both cars into our garage. I should also add that there's also not been a single time we haven't had a double garage. So yes, we should have had ample room for two cars.
Ever since we knew the completion date for our house was getting closer I'd been making little comments here and there about how great it would be to fit two cards in the garage in the new place. Sometimes they were noticed, other times ignored but I persisted (continuously) until Darryl would just laugh. To this day I'm not sure if he laughed because he had no intention of having the garage tidy enough for two cars, whether he laughed because he thought I was kidding or whether he laughed because it was that or belt me over the head with something just to shut me up. In the end I decided it needed to be made quite clear that I was serious. So I did something I'm not entirely proud of.....I threatened a skip bin. I had the motivation, I had the time with two weeks off to move/unpack and I had the opportunity to have the skip here, filled and gone all in the one day before he got home from work.
Fast forward to last night...we've been living in our lovely new home for 10 days and we've finally finished unpacking all of the boxes, garage included. Everything has a home and anything that didn't have an appropriate spot got dumped, even some of Darryl's crap he'd collected over the years. And while I'm sure I still have an unused fire twirling stick, amble spare bike tyres for a pushbike we don't own and countless tins of touch up paint for our old house, I can also now park two cars in the garage at once AND close the door. Bliss!
Ever since we knew the completion date for our house was getting closer I'd been making little comments here and there about how great it would be to fit two cards in the garage in the new place. Sometimes they were noticed, other times ignored but I persisted (continuously) until Darryl would just laugh. To this day I'm not sure if he laughed because he had no intention of having the garage tidy enough for two cars, whether he laughed because he thought I was kidding or whether he laughed because it was that or belt me over the head with something just to shut me up. In the end I decided it needed to be made quite clear that I was serious. So I did something I'm not entirely proud of.....I threatened a skip bin. I had the motivation, I had the time with two weeks off to move/unpack and I had the opportunity to have the skip here, filled and gone all in the one day before he got home from work.
Fast forward to last night...we've been living in our lovely new home for 10 days and we've finally finished unpacking all of the boxes, garage included. Everything has a home and anything that didn't have an appropriate spot got dumped, even some of Darryl's crap he'd collected over the years. And while I'm sure I still have an unused fire twirling stick, amble spare bike tyres for a pushbike we don't own and countless tins of touch up paint for our old house, I can also now park two cars in the garage at once AND close the door. Bliss!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Builders, Boxes & Bubblewrap
I've spent the last 12 months dealing with (read: arguing with, yelling at and trying to coordinate the most disorganised of) tradesmen to get this house close to the point of finished. I had a wonderful image in my head. Moving would be fantastic. Finding a new home for all of our things would be exciting and it would just generally be wonderful to be in the new house whether there were still a few boxes around or not. Fast forward to today...the house is finished except for the landscaping, which is about 3 more weeks away, and I've decided if I see another box I may scream.
Life in the new house has been fairly busy as any normal person would have expected mid-move. I have wrapping, packaging tape and boxes shoved in cupboards that should contain more essential things like clothes or food. My car doesn't stand a chance of fitting in the garage because, it too, is full of boxes and other random packaging materials. The house is full of dust and dirt because of the construction in the area. And rather than my image of perfectly manicured lawns and gardens I may as well be living in the middle of a desert surrounded by dirt and dust and an overgrowth of weeds.
When Darryl walked in the door this afternoon I was vacuuming the floor for the fourth time today with a plan of then dusting the outside of the cupboards to get the gyprock dust off them. He went running not long after...I think to avoid a meltdown about dirt that he could clearly see coming. I sat down for a minute admiring the rooms that I have managed to unpack and sort over the last few days and I realised I needed to look at the bigger picture. Just under twelve months ago we were terribly unhappy in a rental property after being in our own home for 4 years. We tossed up our options and signed a contract on a block of land. It was a pile of dirt that I couldn't, in my wildest dreams, have imagined being brand new house...our brand new house.
Since then I've had meltdowns over shades of brown. I've had screaming matches about skirting boards, nightmares about variations of render colours and all sorts of abnormal things. But none of that matters anymore. We're in our own brand new home, our home that we planned together from start to finish. Suddenly the sense of achievement far outweighs the dusty floors, cars stuck outside for another month, useless tradesmen and cupboards full of crap. None of that really matters anymore and all the stress was oh so worth it.
Life in the new house has been fairly busy as any normal person would have expected mid-move. I have wrapping, packaging tape and boxes shoved in cupboards that should contain more essential things like clothes or food. My car doesn't stand a chance of fitting in the garage because, it too, is full of boxes and other random packaging materials. The house is full of dust and dirt because of the construction in the area. And rather than my image of perfectly manicured lawns and gardens I may as well be living in the middle of a desert surrounded by dirt and dust and an overgrowth of weeds.
When Darryl walked in the door this afternoon I was vacuuming the floor for the fourth time today with a plan of then dusting the outside of the cupboards to get the gyprock dust off them. He went running not long after...I think to avoid a meltdown about dirt that he could clearly see coming. I sat down for a minute admiring the rooms that I have managed to unpack and sort over the last few days and I realised I needed to look at the bigger picture. Just under twelve months ago we were terribly unhappy in a rental property after being in our own home for 4 years. We tossed up our options and signed a contract on a block of land. It was a pile of dirt that I couldn't, in my wildest dreams, have imagined being brand new house...our brand new house.
Since then I've had meltdowns over shades of brown. I've had screaming matches about skirting boards, nightmares about variations of render colours and all sorts of abnormal things. But none of that matters anymore. We're in our own brand new home, our home that we planned together from start to finish. Suddenly the sense of achievement far outweighs the dusty floors, cars stuck outside for another month, useless tradesmen and cupboards full of crap. None of that really matters anymore and all the stress was oh so worth it.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
About Me
I was born in Brisbane on 30th May 1985, the only child to two wonderful parents.
I started working when I was legally of age (14+9 months)and within a few years met my now husband. We bought a house on the northside of Brisbane in May 2004 and moved in together. We were engaged 6 months later and married on August 2005.
We've been seeing a fertility specialist for quite some time in the quest to have a precious baby. To date our arms are still empty and our hearts somewhat broken after a number of failed IVF cycles, two miscarriages and numerous tests resulting in nothing we didn't already know.
In May 2008 we sold our first home and chose to rent while we invested our money and focused all of our attention on our IVF journey. A few months later the property market crashed along with interest rates so we decided to buy a block of land and build a brand new home for a fresh start.
Fast forward to now, and we've just moved into our new home. The place is a mess of boxes and packaging materials but we're having a ball finding new homes for all of our belongings.
I started this blog to journal life in our new home, the fun times with friends and family and, I guess most of all, our quest to have a perfect little bundle of our own.
I started working when I was legally of age (14+9 months)and within a few years met my now husband. We bought a house on the northside of Brisbane in May 2004 and moved in together. We were engaged 6 months later and married on August 2005.
We've been seeing a fertility specialist for quite some time in the quest to have a precious baby. To date our arms are still empty and our hearts somewhat broken after a number of failed IVF cycles, two miscarriages and numerous tests resulting in nothing we didn't already know.
In May 2008 we sold our first home and chose to rent while we invested our money and focused all of our attention on our IVF journey. A few months later the property market crashed along with interest rates so we decided to buy a block of land and build a brand new home for a fresh start.
Fast forward to now, and we've just moved into our new home. The place is a mess of boxes and packaging materials but we're having a ball finding new homes for all of our belongings.
I started this blog to journal life in our new home, the fun times with friends and family and, I guess most of all, our quest to have a perfect little bundle of our own.
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